Spoilers...
Well, I'm not sure what Benioff and Weiss have had with their porridge, but similarly to last week this episode shot by. Obviously the focus was on Jon Snow - who to be fair is pretty hot for one of the undead - but the wheels are definitely in motion across Westeros.
Only a short glimpse of Dany this week, with an introduction to the widows of the Great Khals, who were all seemingly promised glory alongside their Moon and Stars (although presumably none of them had dragons), while in Mereen, Varys talked business with a conspirator of the Sons of the Harpy, with a wonderfully creepy performance from Conleth Hill. Meanwhile, in King's Landing his little birds (children) were being transferred to Qyburn's books, with the small council vacating their seats as soon as Cersei, Jaime, and Ser Gregor (no Robert the Strong) came to visit. I'm a little bored of Cersei now, she's no fun and her threats seem as empty as the Lannister's coffers. And then there's poor Tommen, who went in fierce against the High Sparrow for about a minute before he was convinced everything is hunky dory because his mother loves him. Oh dear. However, Jonathan Pryce is a joy to watch in this role.
We finally had some satisfaction in Braavos, where Arya kicked that smug girl's backside and won her eyesight back, and finally got a glimpse of Samwell and Gilly on their way to homestead Hornhill, although I doubt Randall Tarly will be hugely pleased to see his son. But all of this is small fry compared to more of Max Von Sydow's guided tour of the history of the Starks, where Bran saw his father go up against Ser Arthur of Dayne at the Tower of Joy. Ned was on a rescue mission to save sister Lyanna, and while he had always told Bran that he defeated Arthur bravely, the actual truth of the matter is that Arthur was a wiz with steel who brandished two swords like a medieval Chow Yun Fat and massacred his way through the Stark party, only to be stabbed in the back by Howland Reed (father of Meera and Jojen).
What's interesting is Bran's shocked and slightly disgusted reaction to this, with how we tell stories as parents to our children and what really happens. But while Ned shot off to find Lyanna, Bran shouted out to him, and he seemed to hear him. Is this a clue to some more special powers Bran may possess? And of course the Raven stops the vision as Ned disappears, meaning we have to wait to find out about the tower (I'm pretty confident Ned will reappear with a baby in tow). Talking of Starks, we finally caught sight of Rickon but it wasn't in the happiest of places after he was unveiled to Ramsay Bolton as a gift by Smalljon "fuck oaths" Umber along with Osha. But the most horrific thing was the "proof" that he was Rickon Stark - the severed head of Shaggydog.
BUT WAS IT?!
I'm going with no. That head was way too small to be a direwolf, and I can see this being a double-cross, with the Umbers being incredibly loyal to the Starks previously. Then again, this is Game of Thrones and George RR Martin can be a right bastard. But this is likely to be setting it up for Jon who, after a bit of an understandable shock at no longer being dead, got back to his duties and hung his stabees, including Ser Alliser (yay!) and Olly (aww). However, it was pretty obvious from that act that this Jon Snow is taking no shit, and he proved that by immediately leaving the Night's Watch, leaving Dolorous Edd in charge (he's not deserting - his oath was "until my death"). If he's going to unite everyone against the White Walkers he'll have to unite the North first, and the best way to do that is to fuck up Ramsay Bolton. GAME ON.
Another fine episode, and this season is rollicking along. I'm a bit bored by Cersei and Dany at the moment, but everyone else is stepping up to the plate, and it feels like it's becoming a real worldwide conflict again. So much time was spent with the Starks and the Lannisters, but the pieces seem to be moving in a more satisfying way, and the pace is just tremendous. Let's hope it stays that way, although I know I'll be howling at the skies when the episode ten cliffhanger rolls around.
- Charlie
Read Charlie's review of the previous episode, Home, here.
Picking up after the events of GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra, Retaliation finds the Joes under attack, their forces obliterated and on the wrong side of the President (who isn't the President, but an imposter, Zartan, in disguise as him). Forced on the run, the Joes fight to save the country and the rest of the world from the vicious Cobra Commander and his forces.
Finally arriving in cinemas after a delayed release date, GI Joe: Retaliation is, not surprisingly, a little underwhelming despite the many explosions, baffling accents and odd one-liners that are thrown out. The much-discussed 3D retrofit, the reason behind the film's delay, barely registers beyond a few annoying exploding bugs flying out at you and serves to make the action scenes that bit more confusing, instead of injecting a sense of spectacle. The other reason behind the delay was supposedly to add more scenes with Channing Tatum, one of the few remaining Joes from the first film, though there isn't that much extra, but what is there shows he should have been in it more. With Tatum's Duke and Ray Park's Snake Eyes providing the biggest links to the first film, Retaliation serves more as a reboot than a sequel, getting rid of the other characters without even a little explanation.
Performances for the Joes are by the book, no one excelling beyond their two dimensions apart from a calm turn by Byung-hun Lee who stands out amongst the cardboard. Most guilty of this though is the much publicised role for Bruce Willis. The man could not be more monotone if he tried, delivering lines with so little enthusiasm, he may as well not have shown up. In fact, it might have been better if he hadn't. Despite not saying a word, nor being able to provide visual facial expressions, Ray Park manages to give Snake Eyes a quiet dignity and even a sense of humour. His battles with Storm Shadow are a masterclass in stunt performing but their fight needed to be a little longer; with the lengthy build-up it was given, their confrontation was all too brief, not allowing us the chance to see a battle between two seasoned pros.
The villains don't fare much better though it is good to see Ray Stevenson continuing Christopher Eccleston's legacy of terrible accents and over-exagerration. Luke Bracey is given a thankless role as the Cobra Commander, taking over from Joseph Gordon-Levitt but lacking a role beyond portraying a throaty-voiced Dr Evil without the laughs in a couple of scenes. However, it is Jonathan Pryce is Zartan-Mr President who has all the fun. Dialling it up to 11 and running with it, he's given all sorts of daft lines to say but does so with gusto and is probably the most entertaining aspect of the film, a relic from the knowingly silly Rise of the Cobra.
Clearly meant to inject the same lease of life as he did with the Fast Five franchise, Dwayne Johnson takes over as the square-jawed lead Roadblock. Sadly lightening has not struck twice; Johnson's broad shoulders are more than enough to shoulder the film but he's an actor who always works better when there is someone to bounce off. Early in the film, Channing Tatum's Duke sparks off Roadblock and the chemistry between the two actors make their scenes together entertaining with a spark that could have livened up the rest of the film. Sadly, Tatum exits stage left too soon and the rest of the film is spent mourning his absence. If you had told me I'd write that sentence a few years back, I'd have laughed in your face. But times have changed and Tatum is a much better actor who would have made GI Joe: Retaliation just that little bit better.
There is one thing though that Retaliation has in its favour; ninjas. Lots of them. I often thought that the most compelling part of Rise of the Cobra was the rivalry between Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes and so it proves to be in the sequel. One of the big hooks used in the trailer was the mountain-side ninja battle and it doesn't disappoint. It's the one action sequence that makes complete sense from Snake Eyes' entrance, subsequent battle with Storm Shadow and the rope fight across the mountain. It's impressively staged and as a result, the highlight of the film. Had Chu managed to inject the same energy and excitement into the other sequences, we may have had a thrill ride on our hands.
If I had to describe this film in one simple yet slightly reductive term, it would be 'bland'. It's not terrible and in some ways, it's better than Rise of the Cobra, but it just lacks a lot of the fun that made the first film so laughably awful yet entertaining. Chu clearly knows his way around the choreography, but the action sequences are frenetic and confusing to the point where I resolved myself to just sit back and wait to see who survived.
Expecting high art from a film based on a Hasbro toy is a tad silly, but it's not unreasonable to want a film that takes its concept, an inherently fun yet silly one, and just runs with it. The first film was awful yes, but it wore its ludicrous concept on its sleeve and created a live action cartoon that, despite its flaws, was really entertaining. In its attempt to create something of a better quality, Retaliation loses that, becoming oddly po-faced and miserable with only just a few bright spots in between.
**
- Becky
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